A forgiveness meditation

I forgive myself.

I forgive myself for being unconscious most of my life.
I forgive myself for denying my truth for so long that when I finally acknowledged and trusted it, I hurt someone I truly cared for.
I forgive myself for continuing to wonder how things will turn out.
I forgive myself for the times I don't take better care of myself, or the times I don't say nice things to myself about the shape and feel of my body, or the level of my intelligence, significance, desirableness or intrigue.
I forgive myself for not making more of an effort to stay close to my family.
I forgive myself for the times I could have been a better friend, or more considerate of the feelings of those I care about.
I forgive myself for leaving those I loved deeply, and I forgive myself for still missing them.

I forgive myself for not putting myself first for so many years.
I forgive myself for not being kinder, more compassionate and generous.
I forgive myself for the all times I indulge in negative self-talk, and for when I don't recognize my own beauty.
I forgive myself for not telling the people I love that I love them every day.
I forgive myself for the guilt I feel about not working harder in school.
I forgive myself for making assumptions and not seeing the best in others.
I forgive myself for watching too much Netflix.
I forgive myself for not cleaning my room until I absolutely cannot walk through without tripping over piles of laundry, or whatever other bits of my life that have taken a back seat to the current prime directive.

I forgive myself for holding on to the past, and I forgive myself for having regrets.
I forgive myself for worrying about and--at the same time--idealizing the future.
I forgive myself for deriving self-worth from external validation.
I forgive myself for not knowing to listen to my body when it was crumbling before my eyes.
I forgive myself for not loving myself.
I forgive myself for questioning my own intuition, and I forgive myself for the hurt I've caused in the process of learning to follow my own heart.

I forgive myself.

This is how I know to move forward.
In forgiving there is letting go.
But I know it is not so easy.
So I forgive myself for not being able to let go right away.
Each time I do, I get a little lighter.

I'm forgiven.