reintro day 2: when it's worth it

The good news is, drinking red wine last night didn't throw me off at all; no noticeable adverse reactions.

The bad news is, it didn't rock my world either.

In fact, rather than getting almost immediately tipsy happy drunk (which is what I thought would happen after abstaining from alcohol for over six weeks), I simply got really tired. Like falling asleep on the couch at 7:30pm tired. This may seem like not that big of a deal, but after forty-five days of healthy energy cycles, being tired enough to fall asleep at 7:30pm is out of the ordinary.

After one glass of wine.

So instead of being the life of the party, I was simply the star of my own snuggle party for one located under my covers in bed. Not sexy.

This isn't that bad I guess, things could be a lot worse.

I'll be happy to have wine, whiskey, and hard cider back on the table for the occasional imbibition, but I'll also be happy to pass on the empty nutrition unless I'm totally feeling it's worth it.

It will be interesting to see if I experience the same exhaustion after sipping bourbon, or if that is unique to red wine. If it is, perhaps I'll be a whiskey girl exclusively--and there ain't nothing wrong with that.

For now, I'm just as satisfied with naturally-flavored sparkling water, kombucha, or iced rooibos tea. And I sleep much better at night knowing I'm enjoying a refreshing beverage that is making me more healthy rather than slipping back into less healthy territory.

It's nice that during this reintroduction process, I'm still basically living the Whole30 life even though the Whole 30/45 is technically "over" (I wasn't totally ready to let it go--I'm a huge fan of how I feel and have been sort of dreading reintroduction of less healthy things). But I know it's a necessary part of the experiment and so far the experience has been positive.

I'm already looking toward Tuesday and thinking about hummus and peanut butter. I used to be someone who ate peanut butter on the regular--like, literally every morning. I also often made my own hummus and had it daily with carrot sticks as an afternoon snack.

Homemade hummus is the bomb and peanut goes well with everything. But the cool thing is, before I even reintroduce legumes, I'm already at peace with the idea that they potentially won't be worth it for me--especially soy.

There are so many better things I could be doing with myself and my food that fulfill the same purposes that hummus and peanut butter try to do. So I will likely eat less legumes simply as a result of my changed lifestyle (e.g. no more morning smoothie, and no snacking required), rather than as a consequence of specifically avoiding them.

Reintroduction day for legumes will be interesting as I try to orchestrate getting single servings to incorporate into my meals (I don't want to go about buying a whole jar of peanut butter or an entire package of hummus, or bottle of soy sauce, or bag of frozen edamame if I find after one helping that it's totally not worth it).

If that is the case, bring on the almonds and cashews, and let me dip vegetables into tonnato sauce, beet hummus, and liver pate.

I'm so glad that the Whole30 introduced me to all these interesting options. I rest easy knowing that no matter what happens, I will never be bored with my food, and I will also be able to make an informed and aware decision about what I want to eat. No more mindless eating--not even of delicious combinations of peanut butter and literally anything else.

I can't say I'm not glad to be eating Whole30 for another day. But I'm also glad to be checking things off the list as worth it or not.

The worst part of this all may be not being able to characterize my meals with the #Whole30 hashtag on Instagram and Twitter to include the awesome community of Whole30ers all over the world in what I'm doing. Is that weird?

From here on out it will be #Whole9 all the way because that's life. The nine factors.

Right now, the factor on the brain is Sleep. And with that, goodnight.

reintro day 1: red, red wine

Stay tuned for results!

day 44 & 45: this is it

It still hasn't completely sunk in that I'm done with school for the summer. This year has been a difficult one for me--in more ways than just academically--and for a long time, I've been in a kind of purgatory just waiting to get to this point.

The last twelve months have been filled with a lot of transition: making the move to Ithaca, starting vet school, etc. etc. etc. I am heading straight into more transition now: moving to a new place (with my mountain man and our polar bear), trying my hand at research for the summer, then, of course, starting my second year of vet school in the fall.

How I approach coping with the stress of transitions like these has changed a lot over the past few months. Even though I've always considered myself a healthy person, one of the biggest realizations I've had as a result of this journey back from my back spasm episode (what I've deemed the "instigating event") has been that health wasn't really a priority--at least not like I thought.

I understand things about myself now, how I could feel, how I should feel, that I'm not sure I ever would have learned if I had not tried the Whole30.

This is a big statement.

But I say it with confidence.

I still have a lot of learn as I complete the reintroduction process, but through it all I will only continue to harness the ability to take control of my health in a positive way.

Going forward I will be able to say this is how I know I can be my best. That will not contribute to me being my best, therefore--for me--it's not necessary to include that in my life at this time. Being able to say NO THANK YOU to something you previously touted as irresistible is extremely freeing.

And it's not a reluctant "No thank you" because I'm depriving myself. It's a a very resolute and content "No thank you" because I genuinely understand what my body needs and doesn't need.

I can't express enough how liberating this is. "Food freedom" is kind of the mantra of the Whole30, and I totally get it now. It's difficult to explain until you experience it yourself (and it will be different for everyone) but for me it's not missing the things I used to feel guilty eating. It's not feeling guilty eating anything. Everything I eat and do for my body is so satisfying, I honestly don't think I'm missing out on anything.

And the best part is, when something does show up on my plate that is--by all definitions of the word--an indulgence, I can partake guilt-free whether it's one bite or fifty because I will be doing so from a position of awareness.

The last thing I've ever wanted to do throughout this whole journey is sound preachy or self-righteous. So I will pump the brakes as I sum up and de-brief the last forty-five days.

Obviously I hope everyone can find food freedom and change their life permanently for the better. But like other addictions and unhealthy habits, change has to come from within.

For me, that change came about after the last straw literally broke the camel's back (I'm the camel). I'm not sure what that last straw was exactly, but the message was clear that I needed to do things differently.

Just like a lot of different stresses culminated to manifest in a physical breakdown, a lot of different approaches have worked together to help me cope with those stresses. It's not just changing my food, it's taking action according to all of those factors I've mention before (and you can read about them here).

In a way, because I opened myself up to try changing my food habits, I've indirectly improved other, non-food related, aspects of my life as well. This is where the life-changing really comes in. It's not just about the foods I've eaten or will eat in the future, but the approach to why and how I choose to eat and conduct my life in general.

This is, in fact, the first day of the rest of my life. And it is good.

day 43: ellie eat world

How I stay stress-free in the middle of finals week and subsequently prepare to go away for the weekend the absolute millisecond I'm finished with exams:

*Spoiler alert: this list will look a lot like yesterday's. When it works, it works.

• Eat all the good food!
• Do all the good yoga!
• Drink all the good tea!

Okay, that's enough of that.

• Go for a walk (even though it's cold and windy--but at least the sun finally came out).
• Foam roll (all together now: "Ahhhhhhhh").
• That epsom salt and eucalyptus bubble bath though.
• Read a book unrelated to vet school (Gasp!).
• Collect all the dirty laundry in the basket.
• Prep all my toiletries (I'm an addict).
• Make snacks for the road (on the docket is crackin' chicken, hard-boiled eggs, plantain chips, guacamole, carrot sticks, whatever else I can throw together with what's in the fridge).
• Skype times with the mountain man.
• Wash those dishes, girl.
• Oh, and did I mention go to sleep at a decent hour?
• And breathe.

It just takes some time.

Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.

Everything will be just fine.

Everything will be all right.

day 42: the answer to life, the universe, and everything

Things I do to de-stress before final exams:

• Break a sweat at the gym.
• Vent a little with friends.
• Sip coconut sparkling water with tart cherry juice.
• Wash all the dirty dishes in the sink.
• Watch the newest BroScience video.
• Go for a leisurely walk.
• Get upside down!
• Prepare a homemade meal loaded with all the nutrients.
• Listen to the latest "This American Life".
• Take a epsom salt bubble bath.
• Steep my tea for the morning.
• Set out frozen meat to thaw for breakfast.
• Go to bed at a decent hour.

Buona notte.

day 41: less than three days

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this brief message:

I have many more important things to be doing other than writing a snarky blog post. So I am going to go do those things.

End of message.

This has been a test. I repeat: this has only been a test.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled primetime entertainment, brought to you by [insert corporate conglomerate here].

day 40: crunch time

Currently, I'm battling the stress of wanting to get lots of studying in so I can do my best on these upcoming exams with the futility of knowing there is no possible way I could cover the amount of material expected of me in the given time.

While understanding the material is an obvious priority, it isn't my only one. I refuse to go through this week neglecting all the things that keep my brain functioning in its optimal state.

So yeah, I'm going to prioritize sleep over cramming into the wee hours of the morning.

I'm going to prioritize good food. I've already made all my lunches for the week--I can't have that using up my limited will power each day. Meal prepping may have taken up time today that I could've been studying, but I see it as a trade off for the time I save each day not having to fuss over figuring out what to prepare and pack for lunch and/or dinner.

You better believe I'm going to make time for healthy movement too, even if it's just a 30 minute walk in the afternoon. My brain functions best when I've moved my body, so there will be lots of random yoga poses interspersed between chunks of studying.

I also have to remain realistic. There's no way I'm going to memorize everything I need to before Wednesday. BUT--I've put in time this entire term, and I haven't been completely clueless, so I won't be doomed--even if I don't study a wink over the next 48 hours. (This is not my plan--obviously I'm going to study--I'm just also trying to keep perspective).

It's going to be a struggle. This is going to be a difficult week. There will probably be tears, anger, hopelessness, etc. etc.

But I can get through it. I'm thinking of a random quote I saw on someone's Facebook page once and it said something along the lines of "On particularly difficult days like this, I always remind myself that so far my track record for getting through tough days has been 100%."

School has been difficult before. I've struggled. And I got through it then. Just like I'm going to get through this.

With that, I must retire to bed because the alarm is going to go off sooner than I'd like and tomorrow morning it will be getting-down-to-business time.