reintro day 2: when it's worth it

The good news is, drinking red wine last night didn't throw me off at all; no noticeable adverse reactions.

The bad news is, it didn't rock my world either.

In fact, rather than getting almost immediately tipsy happy drunk (which is what I thought would happen after abstaining from alcohol for over six weeks), I simply got really tired. Like falling asleep on the couch at 7:30pm tired. This may seem like not that big of a deal, but after forty-five days of healthy energy cycles, being tired enough to fall asleep at 7:30pm is out of the ordinary.

After one glass of wine.

So instead of being the life of the party, I was simply the star of my own snuggle party for one located under my covers in bed. Not sexy.

This isn't that bad I guess, things could be a lot worse.

I'll be happy to have wine, whiskey, and hard cider back on the table for the occasional imbibition, but I'll also be happy to pass on the empty nutrition unless I'm totally feeling it's worth it.

It will be interesting to see if I experience the same exhaustion after sipping bourbon, or if that is unique to red wine. If it is, perhaps I'll be a whiskey girl exclusively--and there ain't nothing wrong with that.

For now, I'm just as satisfied with naturally-flavored sparkling water, kombucha, or iced rooibos tea. And I sleep much better at night knowing I'm enjoying a refreshing beverage that is making me more healthy rather than slipping back into less healthy territory.

It's nice that during this reintroduction process, I'm still basically living the Whole30 life even though the Whole 30/45 is technically "over" (I wasn't totally ready to let it go--I'm a huge fan of how I feel and have been sort of dreading reintroduction of less healthy things). But I know it's a necessary part of the experiment and so far the experience has been positive.

I'm already looking toward Tuesday and thinking about hummus and peanut butter. I used to be someone who ate peanut butter on the regular--like, literally every morning. I also often made my own hummus and had it daily with carrot sticks as an afternoon snack.

Homemade hummus is the bomb and peanut goes well with everything. But the cool thing is, before I even reintroduce legumes, I'm already at peace with the idea that they potentially won't be worth it for me--especially soy.

There are so many better things I could be doing with myself and my food that fulfill the same purposes that hummus and peanut butter try to do. So I will likely eat less legumes simply as a result of my changed lifestyle (e.g. no more morning smoothie, and no snacking required), rather than as a consequence of specifically avoiding them.

Reintroduction day for legumes will be interesting as I try to orchestrate getting single servings to incorporate into my meals (I don't want to go about buying a whole jar of peanut butter or an entire package of hummus, or bottle of soy sauce, or bag of frozen edamame if I find after one helping that it's totally not worth it).

If that is the case, bring on the almonds and cashews, and let me dip vegetables into tonnato sauce, beet hummus, and liver pate.

I'm so glad that the Whole30 introduced me to all these interesting options. I rest easy knowing that no matter what happens, I will never be bored with my food, and I will also be able to make an informed and aware decision about what I want to eat. No more mindless eating--not even of delicious combinations of peanut butter and literally anything else.

I can't say I'm not glad to be eating Whole30 for another day. But I'm also glad to be checking things off the list as worth it or not.

The worst part of this all may be not being able to characterize my meals with the #Whole30 hashtag on Instagram and Twitter to include the awesome community of Whole30ers all over the world in what I'm doing. Is that weird?

From here on out it will be #Whole9 all the way because that's life. The nine factors.

Right now, the factor on the brain is Sleep. And with that, goodnight.

reintro day 1: red, red wine

Stay tuned for results!

day 44 & 45: this is it

It still hasn't completely sunk in that I'm done with school for the summer. This year has been a difficult one for me--in more ways than just academically--and for a long time, I've been in a kind of purgatory just waiting to get to this point.

The last twelve months have been filled with a lot of transition: making the move to Ithaca, starting vet school, etc. etc. etc. I am heading straight into more transition now: moving to a new place (with my mountain man and our polar bear), trying my hand at research for the summer, then, of course, starting my second year of vet school in the fall.

How I approach coping with the stress of transitions like these has changed a lot over the past few months. Even though I've always considered myself a healthy person, one of the biggest realizations I've had as a result of this journey back from my back spasm episode (what I've deemed the "instigating event") has been that health wasn't really a priority--at least not like I thought.

I understand things about myself now, how I could feel, how I should feel, that I'm not sure I ever would have learned if I had not tried the Whole30.

This is a big statement.

But I say it with confidence.

I still have a lot of learn as I complete the reintroduction process, but through it all I will only continue to harness the ability to take control of my health in a positive way.

Going forward I will be able to say this is how I know I can be my best. That will not contribute to me being my best, therefore--for me--it's not necessary to include that in my life at this time. Being able to say NO THANK YOU to something you previously touted as irresistible is extremely freeing.

And it's not a reluctant "No thank you" because I'm depriving myself. It's a a very resolute and content "No thank you" because I genuinely understand what my body needs and doesn't need.

I can't express enough how liberating this is. "Food freedom" is kind of the mantra of the Whole30, and I totally get it now. It's difficult to explain until you experience it yourself (and it will be different for everyone) but for me it's not missing the things I used to feel guilty eating. It's not feeling guilty eating anything. Everything I eat and do for my body is so satisfying, I honestly don't think I'm missing out on anything.

And the best part is, when something does show up on my plate that is--by all definitions of the word--an indulgence, I can partake guilt-free whether it's one bite or fifty because I will be doing so from a position of awareness.

The last thing I've ever wanted to do throughout this whole journey is sound preachy or self-righteous. So I will pump the brakes as I sum up and de-brief the last forty-five days.

Obviously I hope everyone can find food freedom and change their life permanently for the better. But like other addictions and unhealthy habits, change has to come from within.

For me, that change came about after the last straw literally broke the camel's back (I'm the camel). I'm not sure what that last straw was exactly, but the message was clear that I needed to do things differently.

Just like a lot of different stresses culminated to manifest in a physical breakdown, a lot of different approaches have worked together to help me cope with those stresses. It's not just changing my food, it's taking action according to all of those factors I've mention before (and you can read about them here).

In a way, because I opened myself up to try changing my food habits, I've indirectly improved other, non-food related, aspects of my life as well. This is where the life-changing really comes in. It's not just about the foods I've eaten or will eat in the future, but the approach to why and how I choose to eat and conduct my life in general.

This is, in fact, the first day of the rest of my life. And it is good.

day 43: ellie eat world

How I stay stress-free in the middle of finals week and subsequently prepare to go away for the weekend the absolute millisecond I'm finished with exams:

*Spoiler alert: this list will look a lot like yesterday's. When it works, it works.

• Eat all the good food!
• Do all the good yoga!
• Drink all the good tea!

Okay, that's enough of that.

• Go for a walk (even though it's cold and windy--but at least the sun finally came out).
• Foam roll (all together now: "Ahhhhhhhh").
• That epsom salt and eucalyptus bubble bath though.
• Read a book unrelated to vet school (Gasp!).
• Collect all the dirty laundry in the basket.
• Prep all my toiletries (I'm an addict).
• Make snacks for the road (on the docket is crackin' chicken, hard-boiled eggs, plantain chips, guacamole, carrot sticks, whatever else I can throw together with what's in the fridge).
• Skype times with the mountain man.
• Wash those dishes, girl.
• Oh, and did I mention go to sleep at a decent hour?
• And breathe.

It just takes some time.

Little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.

Everything will be just fine.

Everything will be all right.

day 42: the answer to life, the universe, and everything

Things I do to de-stress before final exams:

• Break a sweat at the gym.
• Vent a little with friends.
• Sip coconut sparkling water with tart cherry juice.
• Wash all the dirty dishes in the sink.
• Watch the newest BroScience video.
• Go for a leisurely walk.
• Get upside down!
• Prepare a homemade meal loaded with all the nutrients.
• Listen to the latest "This American Life".
• Take a epsom salt bubble bath.
• Steep my tea for the morning.
• Set out frozen meat to thaw for breakfast.
• Go to bed at a decent hour.

Buona notte.

day 41: less than three days

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this brief message:

I have many more important things to be doing other than writing a snarky blog post. So I am going to go do those things.

End of message.

This has been a test. I repeat: this has only been a test.

And now, back to your regularly scheduled primetime entertainment, brought to you by [insert corporate conglomerate here].

day 40: crunch time

Currently, I'm battling the stress of wanting to get lots of studying in so I can do my best on these upcoming exams with the futility of knowing there is no possible way I could cover the amount of material expected of me in the given time.

While understanding the material is an obvious priority, it isn't my only one. I refuse to go through this week neglecting all the things that keep my brain functioning in its optimal state.

So yeah, I'm going to prioritize sleep over cramming into the wee hours of the morning.

I'm going to prioritize good food. I've already made all my lunches for the week--I can't have that using up my limited will power each day. Meal prepping may have taken up time today that I could've been studying, but I see it as a trade off for the time I save each day not having to fuss over figuring out what to prepare and pack for lunch and/or dinner.

You better believe I'm going to make time for healthy movement too, even if it's just a 30 minute walk in the afternoon. My brain functions best when I've moved my body, so there will be lots of random yoga poses interspersed between chunks of studying.

I also have to remain realistic. There's no way I'm going to memorize everything I need to before Wednesday. BUT--I've put in time this entire term, and I haven't been completely clueless, so I won't be doomed--even if I don't study a wink over the next 48 hours. (This is not my plan--obviously I'm going to study--I'm just also trying to keep perspective).

It's going to be a struggle. This is going to be a difficult week. There will probably be tears, anger, hopelessness, etc. etc.

But I can get through it. I'm thinking of a random quote I saw on someone's Facebook page once and it said something along the lines of "On particularly difficult days like this, I always remind myself that so far my track record for getting through tough days has been 100%."

School has been difficult before. I've struggled. And I got through it then. Just like I'm going to get through this.

With that, I must retire to bed because the alarm is going to go off sooner than I'd like and tomorrow morning it will be getting-down-to-business time.

day 39: on being selfish

I've been thinking a lot lately about sustaining this healthier lifestyle post-Whole30.

In the past, I maintained a healthy diet (or at least tried to) because I was constantly striving to lose weight, be more fit, and avoid the guilt I felt when I indulged in junk. But now that my relationship with food has changed, the reasons behind why I eat what I eat have changed as well. I'm learning that what I eat can have profound influences on my overall health in ways I never considered before.

It was brought to my attention today that the results I'm seeing are really significant because most people would probably attempt to treat their sleep issues, mood quality, and anxiety levels with over-the counter and even prescription medications. But I am seeing improvements in all of those things and more just by changing the way I eat.

I know I've said this before, but it's a big deal.

I didn't have metabolic issues like insulin resistance, or other clinical signs like hypertension or high cholesterol before I started this so I can't speak to that. But I'm not surprised when I read about others suffering from diabetes or chronic joint pain who find relief when they change their food habits according to Whole30 guidelines.

It is true what they say, that you can't be sure whether or not something is affecting you until you take it away and see how you feel. In It Starts With Food, the Hartwigs use an analogy where you're allergic to a tree that is right outside your window at home but you don't realize it. You have itchy eyes and a runny nose and sneeze every single day and eventually you become accustomed enough that it feels like this is your "normal life". Then you go on vacation somewhere those trees don't grow and you suddenly wake up every day refreshed and energized and without any general malaise you were accustomed to feeling at home, and amazed that this energetic, rested, simply happier state can be attained "normally".

Whatever bothers you, whether it's indigestion, acne, achey knees, a sore back, mood swings, depression, diabetes, the list could go on and on--I am willing to bet that just trying thirty days of focusing on foods that make you more healthy instead of less healthy will make a difference.

I'm not promising a cure or anything. But I am confident enough--after seeing how my own life has changed for the better--that I can say that something could be improved in your life. And your diet is great place to start in order to make those improvements.

The difficult part comes in when you're done, you reintroduce, and then you have to decide what's "worth it". What about special occasions, family dinners, holidays, vacations, times and places when you don't get to dictate what's on your plate--what then?

Since I haven't gone through the reintroduction protocol yet, I can't say definitively what's worth it for me and what's definitely not. But I can say that there are some of my habits associated with food that will be changed permanently. And that has effects on the people closest to me.

So what's worth it?

Putting social niceties ahead of my own optimal health is not.
Avoiding potentially hurting my mother's, grandmother's, or other generous host's feelings is probably not either (sorry, but it's true).

Now that I know how good I can feel, I'm going to be selfish and want to feel that good all the time. This wouldn't really be a problem if I was a hermit and the only person my food choices affected was me (which is basically what I've been for the past year). But in a month, I'll be sharing a home with my significant other. We have plans to travel and visit family this summer, and I know there will be countless instances in the future where my "new" diet (avoiding whatever it is I decide is necessary to avoid) is going to pose extra stress on the situation.

I can't really know how I'm going to handle those situations until I come upon them. But I can say that I'm not going to immediately roll over for the Standard American Diet whenever I'm presented with a little inconvenience or pressure. My health is too important to me.

That sounds selfish.

But it's okay to be selfish when it comes to your health. Compromise is really important to maintaining healthy relationships. And this can sometimes apply to your relationship with food. But you have to suss out what's worth it because you think it's worth it versus what you're telling yourself is worth it because you just can't bother to go through the rigmarole of finding a more healthy option.

So I'm being selfish--to what extent is to be determined, BUT--

I (and you) might as well come to terms with it now, I'm going to be selfish. My health isn't something I should have to compromise, and it certainly isn't something I've "earned" or because I "deserve" it. Good health is. And so it should be.

day 35: miss independent

"Strangers are just friends you haven't met yet."

No, I didn't see that on a bumper sticker, or in swirly frilly letters in an "inspirational" graphic on the internet. Someone actually said it to me--ironically, I hope! (Right, Joey?)

Blech, the statement is physically revolting to me. Say it, and I cringe and shudder like Whoopi Goldberg the hyena and you just said "Mufasa!" Maybe it's my generalized social anxiety. Maybe it's my overall discontent with the masses. Maybe I'm just a weird loner. Maybe I'm intimidating, stuck-up, and judgmental. At any rate, I have to say that in general, people suck, I don't really like them, and I don't see every stranger as a potential new bestie.

There are several individuals in my life that I like quite a bit, but collectively people are pretty much the worst.

It is this quality of being just the worst that drives my lack of desire to be everyone's buddy. I am someone who would much rather invest the time and energy into having only a few quality friendships, rather than spreading the friendliness around to lots of people that I've never really had a connection with (I guess you could say I'm like Ron Swanson in that way).

This tends to backfire, of course, when I rarely feel that connection to anyone (probably due to my own inability to let my guard down) and end up with, like, zero friends.

It's mostly fine with me. I can enjoy my time alone. And I don't know if anyone has admitted it out loud since possibly kindergarten, but making new friends is hard. I'm of the philosophy that you can't force it, so when thrown into a new situation with new people and new opportunities--it either clicks, or it just doesn't.

So I guess the more accurate statement would be that making new friends isn't necessarily hard, but it does take patience. (Case in point: when you do meet someone you click with, the friendship easily falls into place. So making that friend isn't difficult at all, but stumbling upon them in a world population of over seven billion is somewhat unlikely.)

That's why when I do develop one of those connections, it tends to stick--even from thousands of miles away. You probably want to ask, are these old friendships preventing me from developing new ones? It's possible. But these are my people. And given the odds, I think I'm going to hang on to them while I can.

So yeah, I may not be the most warm and fuzzy person in the world. And I sure as hell won't be easy to get to know right off the bat. But if you put in the time, it could be worth your while.

In the interim, kudos to those of you who can instantly be best friends with literally anyone. You will probably get much further in life than loners like me.

Consequently, I am in the market for an Ithaca person. So if this cynical-ass blog post didn't completely turn you off and you can appreciate the pop culture references, look me up. We could be friends, just so long as we aren't strangers first.

day 34: new normal

This morning I was running a little late (because Mondays, obviously). Okay, so running a little late is pretty standard for me, but today it was a little more. All in all, I was probably ten minutes late to my first lecture at 8:00am.

I skipped going to the office to pick up lecture notes for the week and didn't take my usual quick pee break before class so I could slip into the back of the lecture hall without being too conspicuously tardy.

Lo and behold, I walked in and everyone was socializing, the projector was blank and there was no lecturer at the front of the class. Immediately, I breathed sigh of relief. Realizing the clinician who was supposed to come wasn't there yet, I felt comfortable taking time to pick up notes and use the bathroom in a leisurely fashion.

Returning to the lecture hall filled with increasingly anxious students, the course leader made an announcement basically saying, "We don't know where he is. He's one of our best lecturers. We'll try to post the slides for you, but you won't get any notes. Sorry about that."

Given the situation, there were two predominant reactions that surfaced. Either you were bitter for waking up and coming to class for nothing and regretting the extra hour of sleep you could've gotten, or you were grateful for the extra time to jumpstart your day--especially since it was gorgeous outside and you could now soak up the sun for an hour.

I was the second person. I actually did a kind of double take at my own attitude because bitter and cynical used to be my wheelhouse. But here I was, relieved that I wasn't late after all, and happy that I didn't waste (and as it turns out--couldn't have wasted) time this weekend when it was heaven outside preparing for a lecture that didn't actually happen.

This default positive attitude is a relatively new sensation for me. Being aware of my pessimistic ways and actively trying to find the silver lining in life is usually my course of action. But today--today I automatically focused on the good stuff and didn't focus on what I could've been better.

It still blows my mind that this phenomenon could be (and likely is!) directly related to the food I eat. Virtually nothing else in my life has changed, the potential for irritability is still there. But since I started eating differently, my general mood has been better (regardless of whatever other stresses are always present and unchanged).

This is weird and awesome. I can explain it and yet I can't. I choose to believe that my good food choices are paying off in big ways. Mainly--simply being a happier person. Now that I can observe my peers and how negative they can be about a lot of things, it only sheds more light on the fact that I used to be like that (I'm sorry to those around me--I see now that it's extremely difficult and draining to be around a chronically negative person).

Being a genuinely jovial person without really having to think about it is ridiculous. Ridiculously awesome. I hope it doesn't seem like I'm talking down to those aforementioned "negative people". I say the things I do because that used to be me. And now I can't help but share because I'm constantly being pleasantly surprised by the unintended benefits of the Whole30 program.

I'm now the kind of person that two-months-ago me would've probably rolled her eyes at (but really that was only because deep down she was jealous and wished she could be light-heatedly happy in the face of obstacles). So I'm going to try to keep it going, because it's working for me right now.

Please don't roll your eyes at me.

day 33: west coast calling

I've been fantasizing a lot lately about moving out west.

Maybe it just happens to be the ones I follow, but it seems that a high concentration of the Paleo food bloggers out there on the interwebs are based in California. Perhaps it's the year-round access to fresh produce, or simply that cool people live in Cali and cool people eat Paleo--I don't know.

But I'm constantly jealous.

Scrolling through my Instagram is as inspiring as it is torturing. And not just because of the food. Those crazy California people are constantly on the beach, or hiking, or at the farmer's market, or just outside in the sun being awesome and tan and happy.

I'm not ashamed to say that I totally want to be them. I would love that life. I'll spare you my rendition of Ariel's "Part of Your World" but just so you know--that's the general sentiment here.

Not that I don't love upstate New York. The Adirondacks are one of my favorite places ever to have visited and by far the best place I've ever lived (Vermont, you're a very close second). Mountains are definitely on the required list for any place that I may settle down in. Sorry, Ithaca, but your hills don't count as mountains. I love the ocean too, though. Or a large body of water at least. Mountains and ocean would be ideal (can you see why the west coast is desirable?).

I've been to California twice in my life. The first time--which I don't really count--was marching in the Rose Bowl Parade with the Pride of Missouri State University marching band. I don't count it because a) it was Pasadena, and b) we only went to all the most touristy, corporate, commercial spots that part of southern California had to offer (like Disneyland, outlet malls, etc). It was rushed and hectic and all of my time was pre-planned for me. I didn't get to explore or have any kind of adventure. Thus, I don't consider that as getting a true California experience.

Luckily, the second time I visited California was the complete opposite of the first. The summer after I moved to New York, my boyfriend and I drove cross-country to hike the John Muir Trail. We started in Yosemite National Park, and three weeks--and 250 miles--later stepped off of Mount Whitney. I could write dozens of blog posts about how awesome that trip was, but suffice it to say that is what I think of when I think of California. The dry, rocky, towering ominous peaks. The lush valleys. The crystal clear glacial lakes. The wildlife. The cowboys and the pack mules. Sleeping under the stars. The sunshine. The sunshine, people.

And that was only a very small section of the state. I want to go back and go to northern California. And Oregon. And Washington. I'm seriously lacking in west coast experiences. My grandmother gave my a guide to bicycling the Pacific Coast a long time ago and I keep it on the shelf because there is a part of my still determined to make the trip someday. Maybe I will. Maybe I'll hike the Pacific Crest Trail instead. Maybe I'll do both.

These are things that cross my mind as I'm looking at yet another meal posted to Instagram with fresher ingredients than I could ever dream of, or reading about another food blogger using limes or lemons from their backyard tree.

I guess if I wanted to, I could have an indoor lemon tree. I do have fig trees indoors. But I dream about my figs growing outside in the ground. Maybe someday.

Someday.

Maybe.

day 32: dangerous territory

Whoever first decided that the end of the school year--and thus final exams--should coincide with the beginning of spring and the first few days of truly pleasant weather after a long six months of cold, dreary misery can go jump off a cliff.

It is entirely too difficult to get anything done when the weather is like it was today (and will be tomorrow, and the rest of the next three months, probably), and now--with only one week left of classes--is when I need to be buckling down and studying more than ever.

This is a dangerous place to be in because the end is in sight. More than in sight even, nearly within reach, and I am looking forward to my summer plans so much.

Yesterday I met with the Department of Natural Resources graduate student who will be my supervisor for the research project I'll be working on. We talked logistics for the job and paper work and all that, but then she also gave me a list of birds to brush up on and made sure I had my own binoculars and field guide.

I left that meeting on a little bit of a high just knowing that it is literally part of my job description to go out hiking and simply identify birds. I'm not exactly sure why but this makes me incredibly happy (college-aged me getting her undergraduate degree in wildlife biology would be very pleased with present-day me on this).

I'd much rather spend my time doing that rather than memorizing pharmacological effects on the respiratory system. In fact, there is very little I've studied and learned thus far that excites me as much as the idea of being out in nature and surveying birds. Does this mean I'm in the wrong profession?

I keep telling myself, No! I'm right where I need to be. (But am I? The voice of doubt in my head is strong these days.)

Quickly, I am approaching the perceived point of no return--even if something drastic should happen or I should change my mind completely, I will feel stuck in my current path because of the huge time and financial investment I've made. This is an extremely stressful place to be, and that's on top of the stress of being a veterinary student in and of itself.

The only solution I can see right now is to wait it out--get through the next two weeks, enjoy the summer, see how I handle research, come back in the fall refreshed, and go forward from there. I know I will need to start making some big moves to get the experiences it takes to get onto a path I can feel comfortable and excited about within the veterinary field. But I just don't have the fortitude to find those now, or dedicate energy to stressing about the fact that I haven't found them yet.

I apologize if this stream of consciousness sounds like gibberish. I have a lot of stuff going on in my head, and it's overwhelming to me most of the time, so I can't imagine what it must be like to try to process for those who are outside of my head (which is everyone).

So I will try to spare you any more of my variations of the theme of doubt (it's a recurring theme--a motif, if you will), and stick to more accessible topics (food) because that's why I started this whole blog thing in the first place.

It wasn't my intention for this to become a version of my personal diary with thoughts on all things, even those not remotely related to my Whole30 experiment. Then again--perhaps that is just what I need.

day 30: keep on keeping on

Has it really been thirty days already?

I don't know about you, but for me this month has flown by. It's hard to believe that in two weeks I'll be finished with this school year (yikes, I have a lot of studying to do between now and then!), and in a month I'll be moving to a brand new apartment and starting my summer job, and shortly after that, my boyfriend and polar bear pup will be moving in as well.

Things are happening.

I am so relieved that I decided to extend my Whole30 experiment a couple more weeks. If I were going to begin reintroductions tomorrow, I would be a mess (I'm enough of a mess all on my own, I don't need undesirable reactions to dairy and legumes to make it worse right now).

But considering that Day 30 is THE FINISH LINE of this whole ordeal for most people, I thought I would take a moment to check in and assess what progress I've made in the last thirty days and what I hope to accomplish by continuing the program.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I must proclaim the good (in no particular order):

1. I'm sleeping more soundly, and waking rested.
2. I no longer feel the need to snack between meals.
3. Virtually no PMS, mood swings, or cramps associated with my menstrual cycle.
4. I feel less bloated in general.
5. Less of my hair falls out daily when I brush it and when I wash it weekly.
6. I'm coping with and managing stress and anxiety in healthier ways.
7. No emotional/binge eating! And no cravings!
8. I have a happier disposition, and a more optimistic outlook.
9. I'm more confident and less introverted (for the most part) and have begun to put myself "out there" more.
10. My seasonal allergies aren't as prevalent.
11. No reliance on caffeine.
12. I feel stronger and look more muscular.
13. I have mad meal preparation skills.
14. I am more in tune with what my body and mind needs, and can trust it when it tells me I need to do (or not do) something.

Some of these things may seem trivial. But a handful of them are big freaking deals to me, particularly the last one.

I despise cliches as much as the next person, but when the authors of It Starts With Food and newly released (and best-selling!) The Whole30 say this program will change your life--they're absolutely right.

To what extent my life is changed will only become more apparent as I go forth with the program and into life beyond Whole30. Taking what I've learned and applying it to all the decisions I make about food and my health will expose what my new habits have evolved into.

Because that's the crux of the "change your life" mantra: changing your habits. That--among other things--is what distinguishes the Whole30 program from other "diets"; the critical fact that after it's over, the results and benefits persist because you've changed your habits permanently, and for the better.

That's the goal anyway. Nobody is perfect. I know I'm not. And I don't plan on eating Whole30-compliant the rest of my life (my family would probably be pretty annoyed with me). But I do know that for the rest of my life, I am going to think about food differently now that I understand how it can affect me.

For now, I'm going to keep this good thing going. Because I can, and I really want to reap all the benefits. I'm selfish like that.

day 28: silver lining

Yesterday I lucked out and stumbled upon blood oranges at the co-op in Syracuse where I stopped for provisions on my drive back from Lake Placid. This may seem insignificant but I have been hunting for blood oranges for over a month now (they are one of my favorite fruits and supremely special because they remind me of Italy). I think I have perused every grocery store in Ithaca--multiple times over--trying to find some to no avail.

So I was filled with surprise, glee, and gratitude (in that order) that this little crunchy granola place in the middle of residential neighborhood stocked them. Naturally I bought all they had (it was only four oranges). This was the perfect end to a stellar weekend away. I was over the moon.

Until last night, when the laptop charger debacle struck.

I am equal parts amazed by and ashamed of how easily my life crumbles when something as mundane and materialistic as not being able to charge my computer happens to me. I have had virtually no bad days since I started this journey almost a month ago now (save my caffeine withdrawal--but even then, my mood was good in spite of the headache and fatigue and I easily overcame it).

However, take away my access to iTunes and Netflix and suddenly I'm a blubbering mess. God forbid I occupy my time at home with a book, or a phone call to a family member. How will I ever stave off the loneliness if I can't fill the silent void with a constant stream of Pandora and old episodes of Radiolab?

The school work I can manage, I guess, even though I'd prefer NOT to study with a jackhammer literally running on the other side of the wall all the time (thanks, vet school construction). It messes with my time flexibility a lot, but then again, doesn't being flexible require that you "make it work" in situations like this?

So I'm struggling with a little pessimism right now--be it about my financial situation, my ability to achieve my goals academically, or simply being comfortable with myself alone in my apartment. But the thing that is different about this than before is that I can recognize the struggle and take responsibility for not being a sour puss.

Enter blood oranges.

I could easily give up on today, convinced that the world hates me and no matter what I do, things will go all wrong. OR--I could sit outside in the sun and eat a blood orange, realizing that yes, I've had better days, but I am capable of getting through this one.

You see, a blood orange is terrible thing to waste on feeling sorry for oneself. And I can't help thinking that I didn't go into that co-op in Syracuse by chance. Those little round packs of ombre ruby citrus heaven were waiting for me. And today, they brightened my day amidst clouds of doubt and choking back tears.

In contrast to how easily my life crumbles sometimes, I am equally as amazed that something as simple as a piece of fruit can turn it around. Or at the very least--provide the catalyst I need to decide that I can turn things around myself.

day 26: home stretch

Four more days left in my April Whole30. Three more weeks left in my first year of veterinary school.

This is it, people.

In regards to the Whole30, I'm getting excited to reintroduce some foods and finally see how my body really reacts to them. I'm not looking forward to feeling crappy as a result, but knowing for sure will be worth it. I'm also excited to continue living this new healthy life--it may not be Whole30 24/7 but it will be so much better than before.

When it comes to the school year, I'm excited to no longer spend eight hours a day sitting indoors. I'm terrified--however--by how much I've crammed in my brain in the last nine months and am not sure I'll be able to hold on to it. (I'm terrified of a lot of things when it comes to vet school, but I won't get into that now.)

Looking forward, I hold on to hope that I might convince my boyfriend to try the Whole30 himself (it'll be a hard sell--he really likes cheese). I, on the other hand, would happily continue eating Whole30 indefinitely. As of right now, on day 26, there isn't a food that comes to mind that I immediately want to partake in the instant day 31 rolls around.

My reintroduction protocol will be intentional, but most likely slow. As long as I alone am responsible for the food I consume, it will probably be compliant (it feels too good to stop now). But I can see myself enjoying a glass of wine--or perhaps popcorn at the movies--in the near future so knowing whether those sorts of things are worth it for me will have to be sussed out.

However, there is a very strong possibility that I will simply extend this whole business to a Whole45 because reintroducing foods that could potentially have negative effects that linger for a few days is not necessarily something that I want to inflict on myself during final exams.

In fact, I just decided right here, right now as I am typing: this is now a Whole45. It's the right choice for me. It will reinforce my new healthy habits and ensure that I'm feeling my best physically, mentally, and emotionally all the way through to the close of the school year (when stress will no doubt threaten to take me down).

This is an important time to be--and stay--at the top of my game. The results of the experiment are extremely important but they can wait a couple more weeks. If anything, a longer elimination period will only strengthen the data gleaned when I do reintroduce foods.

Hmm, it feels really good to make this decision--

I'm doing a Whole45.

And when I complete it, I will simultaneously be completing my first year as a veterinary student.

That feels good. That feels right.

Bring it on.

day 23: pumping the brakes

I got some really good news today.

My physical therapist gave me the go-ahead to try running again (okay, more like jogging). He recommended going out walking for 10-15 minutes to get warmed up, then jogging at an easy pace for 10-15 minutes, and finishing by walking again for at least 5-10 minutes to cool down. "And then see how I feel."

So far in my life, I've run two marathons, three half-marathons, countless 5k and 10k races, and logged immeasurable miles on the roads and trails. Gun to my head now, I guess I would probably call myself a "runner". Since I got into weightlifting, I continued to run but no longer for distance or endurance like I had in the past.  It was something to do to stretch my legs in between lift days--a way to get sprint intervals in to train my explosive muscle fibers, and of course to get the pup all worn out.

So it goes without saying that not running has left a kind of void for a while.

The thought of running now--heart pumping, wind whipping through my ponytail, the methodical left-right-left-right--gets me excited. Like excited excited.

As soon as I got out of therapy today I wanted to ditch my car and run all the way home. This would have been a bad idea for multiple reasons--only two of which being that my house is WAY more than a 15 minute jog from school, and I had already spent time on the elliptical today because the weather was crap (read: snow).

It's so nice to be healthy enough to be able to do things again. EXCEPT! I want to do all the things. I want to ride my bike to school, get a lift in, ride home, go for a run, do a little yoga, skate around, hit some bitches--

Oh, and be a full-time vet student. There's that teensy-weensy detail.

Two-months-ago me says, "DO IT! DO ALL THE THINGS! YOU CAN MAKE IT WORK!"

Present-day me says, "Hey now, hold on, wait a minute! You did a nice full-body workout at the gym today, you don't also need to run. Give your muscles the chance to recover. Make a nice meal. Stretch. Soak in the tub. Plus, are you going to be able to run AND get your schoolwork finished AND get to bed at a reasonable hour? You know all that training is for not if you don't get enough rest!"

Present-day me is so darn rational sometimes.

I've been cooped up for so long now, it sort of feels like I'm breaking out. And in my new found freedom, I have the opportunity to do all these things I haven't been able to--and I want to do them all, now.

But I shouldn't.

Just because I can run and I can skate doesn't mean I can do so with abandon...yet.

Old habits are hard to break (understatement, much?) and I so desperately want to avoid relapsing into old two-months-ago me who didn't take care of her (my) body that I'm willing to endure the slow climb. It has been a long time coming from being immobilized on my floor with a heating pad and a vile of muscle relaxers to doing full wheel pose pain-free and thinking of nothing else but my posture and core engagement during any activity, be it sitting in lecture, walking, riding my bike, or even lounging at home.

I say this with confidence: things are going to be different from now on. I am different. I am better.

However, I am not fixed. I am forever changed and I cannot and will not ever go back. I will find a way to balance all of those wonderful things I love in my life (key word--BALANCE). It will not happen today, or tomorrow, or probably next week. But with time, I will find a way.

Full disclosure: I'm going for a run tomorrow. It may only be 15 minutes, but I will savor it. Then I will treat my body with care so that I can wake up the next day and each day after that ready to take on new challenges and continue to grow more powerful while maintaining balance.

My engine is revving. Blow the whistle, fire the pistol, wave the flag--here I go!

day 22: just another day

When I do my evening routine right, I really do it right because man, oh man, is my body ready for bed! I'm looking at the clock and thinking how awesome it would be to be under my covers by 10:00pm.

So how's about we keep this short and sweet, shall we?

I hate to brag but it was another stellar day of "my time of the month" (note: not sarcasm) and I did all the relaxing things I needed to in order to capitalize on it.

The weather was disappointing. Colder and blustery, spitting rain, teaser sunshine. Colder tomorrow and not much warmer temperatures forecasted for the next week. That's certainly not how I'd prefer spring to be like but alas, it is what it is.

(I tend to let the weather influence my mood. Today's weather would've usually coincided with a sour puss outlook, but now I'm trying this thing where I don't let stuff like the weather significantly ruin my day. It's working.)

The food I ate was delicious (DUH) and I enjoyed my evening walk, even though it was cold and raw and started to rain on me near the end. What made it more bearable was the first ever episode of the Nom Nom Paleo podcast that I was listening to. It was thoroughly enjoyable and I look forward to next week's new episode. (Side note: I like their philosophy on Paleo eating. I can get on board with that.)

Now, as much as I'd enjoy chronicling every little detail of my day to you, my eyelids are heavy and I may start to fall asleep on the keyboard.

You'll know if that happens because all you'll see is probably:

lkjghjljlhljhadajkdhjhhnhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

This blog post hasn't been anything special, but then again, a full nine hours of sleep is totally worth it. Don't be offended, sleep ranks pretty hight on my list. Higher than staying up until midnight trying to write a witty blog entry, anyway.

So with that, I say "Buona notte, e sogni d'oro."

day 21: is this real life?

I'm about to get personal with you right now so--be warned.

There's something I'm so excited about that I need to shout it from the proverbial rooftops (i.e. the internet). I don't care if it's taboo or whatever, or that most of you are going to be, "Ewww, TMI." This is something that is so earth-shatteringly awesome, it can't go unshared.

Oh my gosh, I'm so psyched that I don't even know how to begin!

You guys, I started my period yesterday and I had absolutely no PMS symptoms. And what's more--yesterday and today (the first two days of my cycle, and usually the most difficult) were not that bad. Bearable. More than bearable. Pleasant, even.

Did I mention this was earth-shattering?

Typical happenings leading up to lady times for me include the usual awesomeness (read: sarcasm) like bloating, constipation, headaches, moodiness (including being so volatile emotionally that almost anything could make me to start crying at the drop of a hat), soreness, exhaustion, general malaise, and of course the intense, insatiable desire to eat all the things.

And the actual fun hasn't even begun yet. Once the main event is officially underway, it's all about the cramps. Cramps so persistent that if I don't have a constant stream of NSAIDs going into my body, I'm knocked on my ass. And it has to be ibuprofen, too, which I've always thought was weird. Acetaminophen simply doesn't work. It's always a super big hassle because you're suppose to take it every four hours. But around about hour three, it would stop working and the cramps would come back. So then not only did I have to wait to take more, but then I had to wait for it to kick in again. Then invariably a couple hours later, they would be back. My liver probably wasn't too thrilled with me on those days.

But no more!

Last night when I started to feel a tiny little twinge of cramping (the first physical evidence that anything was actually happening, other than the obvious bleeding, of course), I immediately went to my first feel-better stand-by: a walk. Then I super-setted that with a lavendar Epsom salt bubble bath, cup of tea, bedtime reading and I was like, "What cramps?" There were times this morning that I feared the cramps were going to escalate into a problem but I stayed hydrated, focused on moving, and before I knew it, the mild cramps were a fleeting memory.

The other huge difference (and I mean HUGE) is that my mood has been virtually unaffected. In the past, I have no doubts that I contributed to the cliched crazed, emotional, bitchy stereotype of a woman on her period (This comes to mind.). And it was downright miserable. For me and for those around me (my boyfriend can attest).

I can see now that hormonal and blood sugar imbalances, as well as a seriously dysfunctional attitude towards food, were significantly perpetuating that misery.

This time around I have been an objective participator in the physiological and anatomical wonder that is menstruation. Seriously. This is the most chill period I have ever had.

It's something quite amazing and wonderful to experience when you can recognize it for what it is rather than having it wreak havoc on all aspects of your life from anywhere between four days and two weeks at a time. I mean, today I was a little more tired than usually, I felt weaker, and was somewhat less motivated in general--all of which I can easily attribute to a physiological process or the lack of a specific nutrient. I knew this all before, but was usually so overwhelmed by wallowing in my own self-loathing that I couldn't see it for what it really was--just the shedding of my uterine lining, no big deal.

They say the Whole30 will change your life. For me, this improvement alone is enough to keep me living the Whole30 lifestyle the rest of my days (yeah, it was that bad before). And I have every reason to believe that it's going to get even better with every subsequent cycle.

You probably won't ever hear me say that I'm looking forward to my period (because it's still a messy, stinky, gross thing, let's face it). But hey! At least I can rest assured know that I'm not going to be thrown off my rails on the regular anymore. Consequently, I will no longer be able to use it as an excuse for being lame.

Oh no, what ever shall I do now?

(I'll give you hint: the answer is to "Be awesome".)

day 20: breaking up with bananas

It's not you, it's me. I've changed. I just don't need you anymore. You're too immature. I'm looking for something more serious.

I've been cheating on you with plantains.

We can still be friends. I might occasionally text you when I'm drunk. But don't hold out for me or anything.

Because it's getting pretty serious with the plantains.

For real though.

I used to eat a banana every single day. It was part of my morning smoothie routine. But something I read in It Starts With Food about the particularly high sugar content in bananas made me hesitant. I recognized how I go weak in the knees for a banana smothered in almond butter so I knew if I indulged in that during my Whole30, I would just be feeding my Sugar Dragon.

I've been going pretty light on the fruit in general. That's partially intentional and partially a consequence of making sure I get enough good meat and lots of veggies on my plate that when it's all said and done, there just isn't room for fruit. When I do partake, I try to stick to the recommended ones, like berries and grapefruit. And so far--knock on wood--the fruit I have eaten hasn't seemed to trigger any unwieldy cravings.

It doesn't help that spring is here, and soon more and more yummy fruits will be in season. I picked up a cantaloupe on sale at Wegmans a few days ago. It's currently still in the fridge, untouched. To be completely honest, I'm a little afraid to cut it up because I'm not entirely sure that I'll be able to stop myself from eating too much at once (I really like melon).

That's the thing about my Sugar Dragon and fruit. It may be completely healthy and a super great alternative to cheesecake, but psychologically it's filling the same void. I'm still fine tuning where the line is for me between eating fruit to satisfying a craving for something sweet, and simply enjoying fruit because I can.

So I've made the choice to dump bananas. Plantains fried in ghee satisfy me so much better anyhow (Sorry, bananas).

Plantains are more exotic, too, which is nice when you want to show off your beau. And they're bigger. But you know what they say...

Size doesn't matter, sweetness does.

And when it comes to sugar content, less is always more.

day 19: blood of the tiger

It's difficult for me to tell if my body actually looks better, or if I just think it looks better because my mood and general outlook--and therefore, perception of myself--is better.

It's probably a little bit of both.

I definitely feel like I've de-puffed, if that makes sense. My muscles look more defined, despite working out less frequently and with less intensity. Who knew systemic inflammation was blurring the lines on what I had worked so hard to define? I don't think my general body composition has changed that much, but it's like I was in soft-focus before and now clean-cut details are coming into view. I don't know, maybe it's all the core stabilization exercises I've been doing in physical therapy, but everything feels tighter.

Also, things are just better. Today was one of the most productive days I've had in a long time. But it was simultaneously one of the most relaxing, enjoyable days as well. Getting stuff done is usually hectic and high stress for me--especially initiating it. I do feel better when I get to cross things off my list though. Today was a completely different sensation. There was no stress associated with any of my activities. I was simply going about my day, being awesome.

I think this is what they call "Tiger Blood". According to the typical timeline provided on the Whole30 website, Tiger Blood usually shows up after the halfway point and feels like "someone flipped a switch and turned on the awesome." They say for some, Tiger Blood means "your energy is steadier, you’ve got a firmer handle on the cravings, and you’re experimenting with new, delicious foods. You may notice that your ability to focus is keener, your body composition is changing, your moods are more stable, you’re stepping up your exercise, or you’re just plain happier these days."

All of these things are true for me.

This is a rare instance when I don't really mind being considered "typical". Because it truly is awesome.

I'm not surprised at all. I read the literature, I know people who've done this before, I knew I was going to feel awesome--and the nice thing is, knowing it was coming didn't dampen the feeling one bit.

(Fast forward to reintroduction time and it's going to be even more difficult to say goodbye to this awesome feeling, even if it is only for a few days while I figure out my level of sensitivity to stuff.)

On a somewhat related note, I'm guessing the term "Tiger Blood" is referencing the use of tiger parts in traditional Chinese medicine--with blood being used to strengthen constitution and build willpower. Very apropos for the Whole30--though I do not condone the poaching and selling of these animals and parts on the black market to support this practice. But that is another issue entirely.

For now, I'll strive to stay excellent--with tiger blood coursing through my veins.