day 28: silver lining

Yesterday I lucked out and stumbled upon blood oranges at the co-op in Syracuse where I stopped for provisions on my drive back from Lake Placid. This may seem insignificant but I have been hunting for blood oranges for over a month now (they are one of my favorite fruits and supremely special because they remind me of Italy). I think I have perused every grocery store in Ithaca--multiple times over--trying to find some to no avail.

So I was filled with surprise, glee, and gratitude (in that order) that this little crunchy granola place in the middle of residential neighborhood stocked them. Naturally I bought all they had (it was only four oranges). This was the perfect end to a stellar weekend away. I was over the moon.

Until last night, when the laptop charger debacle struck.

I am equal parts amazed by and ashamed of how easily my life crumbles when something as mundane and materialistic as not being able to charge my computer happens to me. I have had virtually no bad days since I started this journey almost a month ago now (save my caffeine withdrawal--but even then, my mood was good in spite of the headache and fatigue and I easily overcame it).

However, take away my access to iTunes and Netflix and suddenly I'm a blubbering mess. God forbid I occupy my time at home with a book, or a phone call to a family member. How will I ever stave off the loneliness if I can't fill the silent void with a constant stream of Pandora and old episodes of Radiolab?

The school work I can manage, I guess, even though I'd prefer NOT to study with a jackhammer literally running on the other side of the wall all the time (thanks, vet school construction). It messes with my time flexibility a lot, but then again, doesn't being flexible require that you "make it work" in situations like this?

So I'm struggling with a little pessimism right now--be it about my financial situation, my ability to achieve my goals academically, or simply being comfortable with myself alone in my apartment. But the thing that is different about this than before is that I can recognize the struggle and take responsibility for not being a sour puss.

Enter blood oranges.

I could easily give up on today, convinced that the world hates me and no matter what I do, things will go all wrong. OR--I could sit outside in the sun and eat a blood orange, realizing that yes, I've had better days, but I am capable of getting through this one.

You see, a blood orange is terrible thing to waste on feeling sorry for oneself. And I can't help thinking that I didn't go into that co-op in Syracuse by chance. Those little round packs of ombre ruby citrus heaven were waiting for me. And today, they brightened my day amidst clouds of doubt and choking back tears.

In contrast to how easily my life crumbles sometimes, I am equally as amazed that something as simple as a piece of fruit can turn it around. Or at the very least--provide the catalyst I need to decide that I can turn things around myself.