I got some really good news today.
My physical therapist gave me the go-ahead to try running again (okay, more like jogging). He recommended going out walking for 10-15 minutes to get warmed up, then jogging at an easy pace for 10-15 minutes, and finishing by walking again for at least 5-10 minutes to cool down. "And then see how I feel."
So far in my life, I've run two marathons, three half-marathons, countless 5k and 10k races, and logged immeasurable miles on the roads and trails. Gun to my head now, I guess I would probably call myself a "runner". Since I got into weightlifting, I continued to run but no longer for distance or endurance like I had in the past. It was something to do to stretch my legs in between lift days--a way to get sprint intervals in to train my explosive muscle fibers, and of course to get the pup all worn out.
So it goes without saying that not running has left a kind of void for a while.
The thought of running now--heart pumping, wind whipping through my ponytail, the methodical left-right-left-right--gets me excited. Like excited excited.
As soon as I got out of therapy today I wanted to ditch my car and run all the way home. This would have been a bad idea for multiple reasons--only two of which being that my house is WAY more than a 15 minute jog from school, and I had already spent time on the elliptical today because the weather was crap (read: snow).
It's so nice to be healthy enough to be able to do things again. EXCEPT! I want to do all the things. I want to ride my bike to school, get a lift in, ride home, go for a run, do a little yoga, skate around, hit some bitches--
Oh, and be a full-time vet student. There's that teensy-weensy detail.
Two-months-ago me says, "DO IT! DO ALL THE THINGS! YOU CAN MAKE IT WORK!"
Present-day me says, "Hey now, hold on, wait a minute! You did a nice full-body workout at the gym today, you don't also need to run. Give your muscles the chance to recover. Make a nice meal. Stretch. Soak in the tub. Plus, are you going to be able to run AND get your schoolwork finished AND get to bed at a reasonable hour? You know all that training is for not if you don't get enough rest!"
Present-day me is so darn rational sometimes.
I've been cooped up for so long now, it sort of feels like I'm breaking out. And in my new found freedom, I have the opportunity to do all these things I haven't been able to--and I want to do them all, now.
But I shouldn't.
Just because I can run and I can skate doesn't mean I can do so with abandon...yet.
Old habits are hard to break (understatement, much?) and I so desperately want to avoid relapsing into old two-months-ago me who didn't take care of her (my) body that I'm willing to endure the slow climb. It has been a long time coming from being immobilized on my floor with a heating pad and a vile of muscle relaxers to doing full wheel pose pain-free and thinking of nothing else but my posture and core engagement during any activity, be it sitting in lecture, walking, riding my bike, or even lounging at home.
I say this with confidence: things are going to be different from now on. I am different. I am better.
However, I am not fixed. I am forever changed and I cannot and will not ever go back. I will find a way to balance all of those wonderful things I love in my life (key word--BALANCE). It will not happen today, or tomorrow, or probably next week. But with time, I will find a way.
Full disclosure: I'm going for a run tomorrow. It may only be 15 minutes, but I will savor it. Then I will treat my body with care so that I can wake up the next day and each day after that ready to take on new challenges and continue to grow more powerful while maintaining balance.
My engine is revving. Blow the whistle, fire the pistol, wave the flag--here I go!
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