I got some really good news today.
My physical therapist gave me the go-ahead to try running again (okay, more like jogging). He recommended going out walking for 10-15 minutes to get warmed up, then jogging at an easy pace for 10-15 minutes, and finishing by walking again for at least 5-10 minutes to cool down. "And then see how I feel."
So far in my life, I've run two marathons, three half-marathons, countless 5k and 10k races, and logged immeasurable miles on the roads and trails. Gun to my head now, I guess I would probably call myself a "runner". Since I got into weightlifting, I continued to run but no longer for distance or endurance like I had in the past. It was something to do to stretch my legs in between lift days--a way to get sprint intervals in to train my explosive muscle fibers, and of course to get the pup all worn out.
So it goes without saying that not running has left a kind of void for a while.
The thought of running now--heart pumping, wind whipping through my ponytail, the methodical left-right-left-right--gets me excited. Like excited excited.
As soon as I got out of therapy today I wanted to ditch my car and run all the way home. This would have been a bad idea for multiple reasons--only two of which being that my house is WAY more than a 15 minute jog from school, and I had already spent time on the elliptical today because the weather was crap (read: snow).
It's so nice to be healthy enough to be able to do things again. EXCEPT! I want to do all the things. I want to ride my bike to school, get a lift in, ride home, go for a run, do a little yoga, skate around, hit some bitches--
Oh, and be a full-time vet student. There's that teensy-weensy detail.
Two-months-ago me says, "DO IT! DO ALL THE THINGS! YOU CAN MAKE IT WORK!"
Present-day me says, "Hey now, hold on, wait a minute! You did a nice full-body workout at the gym today, you don't also need to run. Give your muscles the chance to recover. Make a nice meal. Stretch. Soak in the tub. Plus, are you going to be able to run AND get your schoolwork finished AND get to bed at a reasonable hour? You know all that training is for not if you don't get enough rest!"
Present-day me is so darn rational sometimes.
I've been cooped up for so long now, it sort of feels like I'm breaking out. And in my new found freedom, I have the opportunity to do all these things I haven't been able to--and I want to do them all, now.
But I shouldn't.
Just because I can run and I can skate doesn't mean I can do so with abandon...yet.
Old habits are hard to break (understatement, much?) and I so desperately want to avoid relapsing into old two-months-ago me who didn't take care of her (my) body that I'm willing to endure the slow climb. It has been a long time coming from being immobilized on my floor with a heating pad and a vile of muscle relaxers to doing full wheel pose pain-free and thinking of nothing else but my posture and core engagement during any activity, be it sitting in lecture, walking, riding my bike, or even lounging at home.
I say this with confidence: things are going to be different from now on. I am different. I am better.
However, I am not fixed. I am forever changed and I cannot and will not ever go back. I will find a way to balance all of those wonderful things I love in my life (key word--BALANCE). It will not happen today, or tomorrow, or probably next week. But with time, I will find a way.
Full disclosure: I'm going for a run tomorrow. It may only be 15 minutes, but I will savor it. Then I will treat my body with care so that I can wake up the next day and each day after that ready to take on new challenges and continue to grow more powerful while maintaining balance.
My engine is revving. Blow the whistle, fire the pistol, wave the flag--here I go!
Showing posts with label Weightlifting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Weightlifting. Show all posts
Thursday, April 23, 2015
Wednesday, April 15, 2015
day 15: better than before
Today was one of those days when I needed to take a step back and assess.
Things seem to be going really well. Overall, I feel so much better. Not just my digestive health because of the good food, but my whole body feels good. My physical therapy is progressing nicely and every day I feel closer to getting back to the fitness level I was before all my sacro-iliac stuff went downhill.
Except I don't want to go back to that. Not anymore.
For almost two months I have felt like a shell of my former self, unable to do any of the physical activities that I loved and thought defined so much of who I was. I was frustrated and depressed because I felt like an inferior person. And it was constantly disconcerting because I wasn't sure if I'd ever get back to "normal".
Recently I decided, this is my new normal.
At first, it felt like defeat, like I was back at square one. But I've been reminding myself (very often, as often as possible), that I'm not back at square one--I may be at square two or three in some areas but I'm definitely not back at square one. In fact, if we're really making comparisons (which I'm trying my best not to do in general), I'm actually ahead of where I was because I've learned some stuff about myself and about balance that I believe will better me in the long run--
And prevent me from ending up where I was two months ago:
Over-worked, over-stressed, over-trained, sleep-deprived, under-nourished (more like--inappropriately-nourished), bottled-up emotionally, and unbalanced in pretty much every way I can think of.
Why would I want to achieve that "normal" again?
I'm still a weightlifter, a derby girl, a runner, a yogi, a bicyclist, skiier, hiker, etc. etc.--I'm still all the those things. But I'm also someone who makes sacrifices in exchange for good sleep, good nutrition, and proper recovery. I'm someone who takes baths regularly, who stretches daily, who is constantly aware of their posture.
Old me cheated myself out of lot of good things and ultimately paid for it. Knowing what I know now, I want to be better than I was before and more conscious of the demands I place on myself. I'm extremely cautious to jump right back into all my activities for fear of falling into old habits along with them.
So I may not be throwing up crazy heavy weights at gym or skating hard in scrimmages (or at all)--YET--but when I do, I will be stronger, more stable, more aware, and more sustainable as an athlete and all-around active member of society than two-months-ago-me could ever dream of being.
It has taken a while to get to this point. And some days I still get frustrated because I wish I could do more right now. But this is what I can do today.
And tomorrow, I'll be listening for my body to tell me what I can do next.
Things seem to be going really well. Overall, I feel so much better. Not just my digestive health because of the good food, but my whole body feels good. My physical therapy is progressing nicely and every day I feel closer to getting back to the fitness level I was before all my sacro-iliac stuff went downhill.
Except I don't want to go back to that. Not anymore.
For almost two months I have felt like a shell of my former self, unable to do any of the physical activities that I loved and thought defined so much of who I was. I was frustrated and depressed because I felt like an inferior person. And it was constantly disconcerting because I wasn't sure if I'd ever get back to "normal".
Recently I decided, this is my new normal.
At first, it felt like defeat, like I was back at square one. But I've been reminding myself (very often, as often as possible), that I'm not back at square one--I may be at square two or three in some areas but I'm definitely not back at square one. In fact, if we're really making comparisons (which I'm trying my best not to do in general), I'm actually ahead of where I was because I've learned some stuff about myself and about balance that I believe will better me in the long run--
And prevent me from ending up where I was two months ago:
Over-worked, over-stressed, over-trained, sleep-deprived, under-nourished (more like--inappropriately-nourished), bottled-up emotionally, and unbalanced in pretty much every way I can think of.
Why would I want to achieve that "normal" again?
I'm still a weightlifter, a derby girl, a runner, a yogi, a bicyclist, skiier, hiker, etc. etc.--I'm still all the those things. But I'm also someone who makes sacrifices in exchange for good sleep, good nutrition, and proper recovery. I'm someone who takes baths regularly, who stretches daily, who is constantly aware of their posture.
Old me cheated myself out of lot of good things and ultimately paid for it. Knowing what I know now, I want to be better than I was before and more conscious of the demands I place on myself. I'm extremely cautious to jump right back into all my activities for fear of falling into old habits along with them.
So I may not be throwing up crazy heavy weights at gym or skating hard in scrimmages (or at all)--YET--but when I do, I will be stronger, more stable, more aware, and more sustainable as an athlete and all-around active member of society than two-months-ago-me could ever dream of being.
It has taken a while to get to this point. And some days I still get frustrated because I wish I could do more right now. But this is what I can do today.
And tomorrow, I'll be listening for my body to tell me what I can do next.
Wednesday, April 8, 2015
day 8: a clean slate
Today I did a workout with 5lb. dumbbells and I felt like a complete noob.
In physical therapy, I've progressed from just doing back extension stretches to now adding some specific core stabilization exercises. I've also gotten the go-ahead to start returning to the gym to work up my range of motion in some of the the strength lifts (front squats, strict presses, etc) at very light weight, basically the empty bar. No pulls, rows, nothing from the hang. And no olympic movements. Yet.
You'd think I would be over the moon about this move forward. But I picked up those 5-pounders and couldn't help thinking to myself, "You look ridiculous. You could be doing so much more."
I was embarrassed. I am embarrassed.
I want so badly to be back in the condition I was prior to my back spasm. However, I remind myself that my life wasn't properly balanced then--I mean, I ended up here, in physical therapy, unable to do any of the physically active things I love. If I went back to what I was, wouldn't I just end up here again?
Then I am overcome with fear. What if I'm never able to do those things again?
This is a debilitating train of thought and I'm currently undergoing an attitude adjustment of sorts. I'm aware of the level of fitness I was in a couple of months ago, but I'm trying to not let that color what my motivations and goals are now. Of course, I'd love to return to that strength and skill level, but with different priorities. Now I have balance and injury prevention at the forefront of my mind. I've always been technique-focused but now I want to be even more so. I will never do another lift without thinking about what my back and core is doing. This is my opportunity to go back to the basics, and truly build a solid foundation.
In order to progress from feeling like a dweeb with 5lb. dumbbells, I have to forget the lifter I used to be and treat this like the beginning. I can no longer compare my current self to my previous self, it will only result in frustration, anxiety, and feelings of inferiority.
I also cannot rely on my youthful, agile body to pick up the slack when I am not as vigilant about stretching, recovery, and getting adequate rest. It's critical for me to recognize when I should lay back on the exercise intensity because other responsibilities are piling up. I can only stress my body so much, whether it's physical, emotional, or mental. It all adds up.
And I don't want it to add up to a back spasm again.
So if that means doing squats, presses and lunges with 5lb. weights, I'll take it. It's more than I was doing last week, and not as much as I'll be doing next week.
In physical therapy, I've progressed from just doing back extension stretches to now adding some specific core stabilization exercises. I've also gotten the go-ahead to start returning to the gym to work up my range of motion in some of the the strength lifts (front squats, strict presses, etc) at very light weight, basically the empty bar. No pulls, rows, nothing from the hang. And no olympic movements. Yet.
You'd think I would be over the moon about this move forward. But I picked up those 5-pounders and couldn't help thinking to myself, "You look ridiculous. You could be doing so much more."
I was embarrassed. I am embarrassed.
I want so badly to be back in the condition I was prior to my back spasm. However, I remind myself that my life wasn't properly balanced then--I mean, I ended up here, in physical therapy, unable to do any of the physically active things I love. If I went back to what I was, wouldn't I just end up here again?
Then I am overcome with fear. What if I'm never able to do those things again?
This is a debilitating train of thought and I'm currently undergoing an attitude adjustment of sorts. I'm aware of the level of fitness I was in a couple of months ago, but I'm trying to not let that color what my motivations and goals are now. Of course, I'd love to return to that strength and skill level, but with different priorities. Now I have balance and injury prevention at the forefront of my mind. I've always been technique-focused but now I want to be even more so. I will never do another lift without thinking about what my back and core is doing. This is my opportunity to go back to the basics, and truly build a solid foundation.
In order to progress from feeling like a dweeb with 5lb. dumbbells, I have to forget the lifter I used to be and treat this like the beginning. I can no longer compare my current self to my previous self, it will only result in frustration, anxiety, and feelings of inferiority.
I also cannot rely on my youthful, agile body to pick up the slack when I am not as vigilant about stretching, recovery, and getting adequate rest. It's critical for me to recognize when I should lay back on the exercise intensity because other responsibilities are piling up. I can only stress my body so much, whether it's physical, emotional, or mental. It all adds up.
And I don't want it to add up to a back spasm again.
So if that means doing squats, presses and lunges with 5lb. weights, I'll take it. It's more than I was doing last week, and not as much as I'll be doing next week.
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